It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I love having hate sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
