She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
