That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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