Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
