Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
