fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
