i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
