Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
