her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Holy shit dude........stairs
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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