Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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