My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
