i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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