im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
