Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
