id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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