so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
