A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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