DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
