his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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