If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
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quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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