dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
