last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
