thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
