I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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