So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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