I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
