What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
