Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
