i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize