Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
