look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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