I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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