I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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