Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
