I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
