I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
