White coat. Heels.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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