He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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