oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
