I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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