so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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