Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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