I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
