You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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