To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
