bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
