You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
