Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
