i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
