You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
