...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
