I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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