I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
