just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
