I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
