The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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