Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
