I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
