I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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