I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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