He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
