That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
one might say we're banned from that church
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
