Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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