we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
