I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Let's get the cat blown out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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