k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
